Reminders from the past (40/100)

There have been plenty of times in the past where I have felt like I was blazing a trail ahead of Jesus until I was so entangled in all of the briers and underbrush that he had to come rescue me to get me back on the path he was cutting. There were other times when I was lagging so far behind that he kept looking back to see if I was still following and  at times having to retrace his steps to bring me along the way. In both instances, he gave me what I needed to learn to trust him such that today I sense that I am walking with him.

The process to get me to this place most recently was influenced through a Shalem retreat where they were introducing their spiritual directors program. One of the women leading the processes they were modeling that day made a statement  characterizing Jesus that settled deep into my soul like an acorn of a mighty oak tree planted deep in the soil, growing to influence not only my relationship with him but also how I view everything about him and even how I share him with those I influence. This was more than four years ago.

She stated that God is "present, active, and good." There is little else I remember from that day than those words.

This statement added perspective to the journey I had experienced the year prior to that day. That journey brought me from a love that was distant to an intimacy I never thought possible. I came to experience the goodness of God demonstrated even through the struggles and traumas of my past. The year-and-a-half following that retreat, demonstrated that God's presence takes many forms eventually leading me into a place often referred to as a dark night of the soul. In that place where senses became useless and the darkness so intense I was left without the ability to even move, my type-A personality was left with no other option than to be still, and to become quiet, until I could hear nothing but my own breathing in the intensity of the darkness. I could not see God or sense his presence in any respect, yet there was a deep knowing that he was there with me although everything spoke of his absence. In those days, the above statement carried me, actually cradled me as it became the only centering prayer that I could find solace in.

I mention these experiences, because today I am in a season of God's manifest activity. Because of these prior experiences, I have learned to rest into the feel of Jesus as we move. At times the pace is steady and comfortable, but ever moving onward. At other times, our pace would seem to make me panic at the speed were I to recognize it, but the fact is that I am quite oblivious to this. All I see is the next footfall, all I sense is his touch, my Jesus, my Lover-God, the One who is always present, always active, and always good.