It's all about choices (5/100)

The reality of living into all God has for me as a journey of choices became apparent today -- a day stuffed full with commitments to work, teaching, and friendship. The lessons have been powerful and unexpected.

It's a matter of priority --> awake often overnight while on call, up early but not as early as hoped, notes and tasks from yesterday needing to be finished; it's 5 a.m. and a choice needs to be made. Will I head into work to try and get things done before my next office session starts at 7, or will I instead give an hour to learning unto this call God has placed on my life? A choice to be made to live out of the priorities of who God has made me to be and what he has called me to live.

It's a matter of redeeming the time --> done with work this afternoon, spiritual friends meeting scheduled at 6:15; it's 5:25 p.m. and another choice now is faced. It's not much time, certainly not the planned two hours, but it is time that could be used for additional reading and reflection. How will I choose?

It's a matter of commitment --> I'm home now; it's 10:30 p.m. and another choice is faced. I feel the fatigue setting in and could let things go for today. Two days ago I released the tendency to "log the time" out of legalism, but that's not what this is. I really want to finish the chapter I started reading earlier this evening. This is important to give myself to this learning and the journey.

The steps necessary for journeying into calling are evident in my experiences this day:

• the priority of what I am doing
• my ability to notice and then redeem the time that is provided no matter how apparently insufficient
• my continual need for a life of commitment to the greater work God is doing as I respond to my heart-desires

Lord, thank you for the grace to remain in this journey of 100 days and cause me to remember these essential lessons as I continue to follow your unveiling path.

An ordinary day (4/100)

Nothing special, just an ordinary day.

The focus today was preparation for the interview I will be doing with a missionary Friday. Each paragraph I read gave me more and more insight into how to more effectively ask questions. (I wonder if this could help me in doing spiritual direction.) It was good to have the focused time to work on this.

Anticipating tomorrow and the fullness of the schedule. I'm not sure how I will find the time to not just log the minutes but to truly be present to the process. Lord, you know my desire since you have placed it there. I ask for your grace to live into it.

Looking back on the morning after a hard afternoon and evening at work causes me to pause in gratitude. Thank you, Jesus, for the time of mental and spiritual clarity this morning to engage this journey. Cause me to lean into you for all I need tomorrow.

A good tired (3/100)

I spent all day anticipating my time this evening. As the time approached, and I concluded the various responsibilities (work from 6:45 - 5:45) and necessities (preparing supper, eating, cleaning up, essential emails), my excitement grew. The energy of this evening was heightened because I knew that tomorrow morning will also be spent engaged in this exercise.

Moving into my time this evening, I had my typical early project experience of feeling overwhelmed in the magnitude of the work to be done. I always feel in these times that it's like chewing coconut or taro root. Although I've taken what seems to be a reasonabe (even small) bite, as I chew, it grows to such an extent that I feel like I'm going to choke before I get it down. The reading for interviewing and data collection felt like this. It felt even worse as I pondered the fact that I am just in the initial part of the program development phase of our work.

Thankfully, I've learned to notice when I begin to feel this way (racing thoughts, heart rate increasing, sitting on the edge of my chair, breaths quickening), and I've learned to recognize the source. I have lifted a load that is not mine. This is not my work, this is yours, Lord. With the purposeful deep breaths of Centering Prayer -- rest, rest, trust -- my soul settles. Pausing to quiet my soul in you brings me back to the enjoyment of the moment and releasing of the future.

Then it gets even better when I learn the opportunity for my first "official" interview is scheduled for my research project. Lot's to be done in the next three days, but for now, I'm enjoying reflecting on the time and the feeling of a good tired inviting me to a night of peaceful sleep.

Legalism, yuck! (2/100)

"No, I can't read that now because it won't count."

Arriving home later than expected (therefore behind schedule), I prepared something for lunch and was sitting down to eat when I thought I could go ahead and get started with the reading selection I had planned for today's time. The above thought entered my mind and before I knew it I was headed to get my computer to watch Hulu clip while I ate. Then it hit me stopping me dead in my tracks.

"What are you doing? What do you mean it won't count? Because it's not 'focused' time it breaks the 'rules' and therefore doesn't count?!! Am I only engaging the process of living into my calling and following God for those two hours of focused time? This wreaks of legalism! I know the stench of it all too well."

It is amazing how quickly the old habit has crept into this journey.The point of this exercise is to build intentionality into my life of calling not return to a life of drivennes or legalism. This journey is a life journey not to be restricted to two hours a day. Likewise, eating while I am reading or taking a break in the middle of the designated time to improve my ability to focus doesn't discount that investment.

This is a journey of grace not law. It is about being open and aware of God's voice in the context of calling. Living out the longing expressed in the song in church today -- "I'm capture by your holy calling. Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself. Lead me, Lord, I pray. Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me. I give my life to the Potter's hand." (Darlene Zsechech)

Thank you Jesus for the freedom to relax into this life and journey.

This isn't supposed to be easy, right? (1/100)

I've spent way too much time lately (years now) as a square peg trying to fit into a whole board full of round holes that I have become accustomed to the struggle of not fitting. So, today when I spent my first designated 2-hours of this journey into calling and it felt so comfortable, I felt guilty.

Where did I get the idea that living into calling or following God's lead should feel hard? I've known this in my head but my heart is having trouble grasping the concept.

This was so enjoyable, and I feel like there may be days ahead on this journey when it will even be fun! Where did I get the idea that this experience would be a burden? Shouldn't living in concert with the way God has made me be a joy? Could this be what it feels like to live Matthew 11:28-30?

Lord, teach me to see, accept, relax into how you have made me as it is expressed within the settings of school work, future jobs, platforms of ministry, and life in general.

So, this is what it feels like?
Square peg, square hole.
Wow!

An unexpected journey

After hearing Melody Hogan share about her experience of "100 Days, 100 Paintings" (http://www.melodyhogan.com/), I was challenged that her experience was not about painting but about God's challenge for her to return to the daily pursuit of living out all God had made her to be. I sensed God's voice to me as well, and therefore I am embarking on my own journey to live into and live out the calling God has placed on my life with greater intentionality and purpose than ever before.

My calling? He has uniquely made me to lead in the context of community unto the holistic nurturing of cross-cultural workers.

Days of preparation (6/19 - 6/25):
Although wanting to not lose the momentum of inspiration, I was quickly faced with my need for a time of preparation. During this time, the details of my journey have been clarified:

• 2-hours of intentional daily investment
• the activites will vary (reading, meetings, planning, visioning, study, writing, and others)
• on Sabbaths the time will be set apart with activities of reflection and prayer
• in congruence with the uniqueness of me, this will also be an engagement in creativity (writing, blogging, drawing, photography)
• intentionality will be required (entering the specified times in my BB to guard the time)
• engaging the presence of others along the way
• the purpose is not getting work done but rather a refining of focus and purpose and trusting abandon unto deepening intimacy

And so, the journey begins, tomorrow.