Learning to ask (48/100)

Anger. Violence. A fist pounding into the desk in front of me. . . . my fist. So, much frustration over a computer not working, AGAIN! I'm just trying to get done at work so I can do the stuff that really matters. And over and again stuff doesn't work. But this is not how it should be. I am not how I should be.

Again and again you have been speaking to me to pray. And again, I don't. Why?

Considering this on my 2-hour drive to Philly for my class today. Reminded that you want me to ask, to ask you, to ask you specifically. I couldn't remember the place I'm going to in order to Mapquest it. Silly as it is this comes to mind, and so I take you at your word,. I pray, and immediately the name is in my mind. Simple prayers like this have been scattered through this week, each with a specific answer. Yet, when I should have most been praying, it never crossed my mind to even go there. Lord, change me. Prompt me to pray for your help and intervention at the first sign of frustration, before I explode.

For this ministry, increasingly, I sense the need to pray. And so, as I consider this on my drive, I ask myself, "Why don't I?" When I do pray, my prayers tend to be general, not at all specific; again, why?

Trying to spend part of the time praying for this developing ministry, I found it difficult to be specific. Eventually, I asked Jesus to tell me what to pray for. And He answered:

"Where does this hesitancy come from; you know what you need, what you want? Deb, ask. Why are you afraid to ask, Me?"

"Lord, what if I'm wrong and ask for the wrong thing?"

"Can you not trust Me to handle that?"

"But then how do I pray expectantly with faith if I am doubting that what I am praying for is right?"

"Don't doubt, trust, and pray. Know that what I am putting on your heart is right and true. Ask. Remember James 4:2, 'You do not have because you do not ask.' and Matthew 7:7, 'Ask, and it will be given to you.' Don't let fear stop you. I want to give you your requests. Trust Me to answer specifically, rightly. Lay it all before Me. Be specific. Know that I hear and am waiting in anticipation, in giddy expectancy to answer you. I want to show Myself strong and real in and through you and in all you dream of."

"Wow! You really want me to ask like that? You're waiting for me to ask already with everything in place to answer? O, how extravagant is Your love for me. How can I not give You the chance to be You? How can I not ask? And so, Lord, give me . . . .