The Dark Night of the Soul, Gerald May – As our dark nights deepen, we find ourselves recovering our love of mystery. When we were children, most of us were good friends with mystery. The world was full of it and we loved it. Then we grew older, we slowly accepted the indoctrination that mystery exists only to be solved. For many of us, mystery became an adversary; unknowing became a weakness. The contemplative spiritual life is an ongoing reversal of this adjustment. It is a slow and sometimes painful process of becoming “as little children” again, in which we first make friends with mystery and finally fall in love again with it. And in that love we find an ever increasing freedom to be who we really are in identity that is continually emerging and never defined. We are freed to join the dance of life in fullness without having a clue about what the steps are. (Mystery becomes no longer something to be conquered but rather to be explored.)
My prayer of longing breathed two weeks ago, affirmed in the above reading today.
Now, oh Lord, may my ache for you that is beyond description find its rest within the embrace of your mystery, and may I live into the uniqueness of me within your tapestry of transformative community synergistically influencing this world.
It is sometimes good to see that in the midst of things and feelings and knowings that you cannot find words to explain, you have not gone off the spiritual deep end.
August 30, 2008
August 23, 2008
Gnats have to be part of the Fall, right?
Today seemed like a good day to get outside; and so, I decided to walk one of the trails at Rocky Ridge – soon after starting on my chosen route a gnat joined me. I didn’t pay too much attention to him as I was enjoying the various shades of green, the bits of sun peaking through the trees, the squirrels and chipmunks. It was great! A real gift from God after such a hard week of struggling with my lack.
But as I continued, my little gnat friend called some of his friends to join us, and then a few more, and then a few more, and before I knew it there was an entire gnat party circling my head. I don’t know what they were discussing, but it must have been important because it just kept getting louder as they continued to dart past my ears, zooming past my nose and playing dodge ball with my eye lashes.
What began as a small little speck of a bug, more of a necessary annoyance here in the woods became a total intrusion on my solitude and SILENCE! There is NO WAY this pesky mob was part of God’s creative plan. They must have come along with the Fall, and I can’t imagine there being any redemptive potential in them.
And so, by this time I’m trudging up a hill, hot, dripping sweat and trying to fan off the increasingly dense mist of gnats when I suddenly remember that I’m the big noisy monster trekking through their quiet, peaceful homeland. Maybe this is their way of saying hello, or perhaps they find my scent attractive, ya know, like those flies on the two piles of horse droppings on the trail I am passing as I think about this. Although I disturbed the flies as I missed their prize, thankfully they didn’t feel compelled to join the party (some hope that my stench hasn’t reached that level, although I have to wonder the way I’ve been at work lately).
Soon the trail takes a turn leading me into an open area where the sun is shining brightly, and the light breeze that previously could only be seen over head is now gently hitting my face. I soon realize my entourage has dissipated.
Is this not the way it is in life – at least in mine? The small nuisances can be tolerated in the beginning but they always seem to multiply. I start to wonder if they are ever going to get the idea that they are not welcome, and as the personal struggle becomes more intense, the pesky little irritations also increase. And in this case at least, I wonder if the issue is that I am the one intruding where I don’t belong.
As the change in direction and therefore the change in environment forces the gnats to stay behind, perhaps some of my current irritations that daily bite and pester and buzz in my ears will be forced to remain behind as I take a new path. I know that there will always be some (and at times many) points of irritation because there is a stench in me that draws them out, but perhaps I will begin to be more like a flower drawing a bee than evidence of a horse’s path wooing a fly.
Darn, I'm going to have to admit God DID create gnats since He just used them redemptively in my life.
But as I continued, my little gnat friend called some of his friends to join us, and then a few more, and then a few more, and before I knew it there was an entire gnat party circling my head. I don’t know what they were discussing, but it must have been important because it just kept getting louder as they continued to dart past my ears, zooming past my nose and playing dodge ball with my eye lashes.
What began as a small little speck of a bug, more of a necessary annoyance here in the woods became a total intrusion on my solitude and SILENCE! There is NO WAY this pesky mob was part of God’s creative plan. They must have come along with the Fall, and I can’t imagine there being any redemptive potential in them.
And so, by this time I’m trudging up a hill, hot, dripping sweat and trying to fan off the increasingly dense mist of gnats when I suddenly remember that I’m the big noisy monster trekking through their quiet, peaceful homeland. Maybe this is their way of saying hello, or perhaps they find my scent attractive, ya know, like those flies on the two piles of horse droppings on the trail I am passing as I think about this. Although I disturbed the flies as I missed their prize, thankfully they didn’t feel compelled to join the party (some hope that my stench hasn’t reached that level, although I have to wonder the way I’ve been at work lately).
Soon the trail takes a turn leading me into an open area where the sun is shining brightly, and the light breeze that previously could only be seen over head is now gently hitting my face. I soon realize my entourage has dissipated.
Is this not the way it is in life – at least in mine? The small nuisances can be tolerated in the beginning but they always seem to multiply. I start to wonder if they are ever going to get the idea that they are not welcome, and as the personal struggle becomes more intense, the pesky little irritations also increase. And in this case at least, I wonder if the issue is that I am the one intruding where I don’t belong.
As the change in direction and therefore the change in environment forces the gnats to stay behind, perhaps some of my current irritations that daily bite and pester and buzz in my ears will be forced to remain behind as I take a new path. I know that there will always be some (and at times many) points of irritation because there is a stench in me that draws them out, but perhaps I will begin to be more like a flower drawing a bee than evidence of a horse’s path wooing a fly.
Darn, I'm going to have to admit God DID create gnats since He just used them redemptively in my life.
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