Today, still tired and ready to move on, but called to not compromise.
To hold this proposal work in an open hand ready for you to take it from me was easy to consider. Dropping it onto the ground in a crash was even something I was willing to do. But as this day began, I sensed you calling me to be indifferent in this circumstance. To engage Ignatian Indifference does not mean lack of caring but instead choosing to care more about what God cares about than what I do. In this particular case, therefore, this meant to grasp rather than release. To hold on until it is done, done well, done fully to the extent I am currently able. And to grasp this work fully in your presence was clearly your call to me for this day.
I wish I could say that I lived this day fully present to you. Although this was my longing, my impatience at times, particularly, when the Internet connection was misfiring and my computer was locking up was far from Godly. Shortcuts and easy roads in the process were appealing, particularly, as the clock was ticking down. Thank you for not letting me settle or convince myself that I was not compromising my integrity when I knew that to yield would be just that.
The work is now done and submitted. None of this was about the grade or the comments of my professor. This today was all about my walk with you. To pursue a work unto completion without compromise, to be present with you when I'm ready to quit or cheat, to be indifferent to all else but you no matter the cost.
With you in the stuff of life, here is where I want to be.
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