My days of intentional movement toward calling will soon require a transition. But I can’t imagine just going back to the way I was doing life before this journey. Although I can’t fully express all that has changed, I am not the same; I will never be the same.
Do I really see all that has occurred during these days? There are the outward and inward things, but things have gone at such a pace that time to process hasn't been part of the process.
What do the next days look like? I never considered this before. I just figured that when the time was completed, the next steps would be clear. Not so much.
I’m feeling like I’ve been walking on a series of stones crossing a large body of deep, dark water. The pace has become routine, not easy, but routine. Step. Step. Step. The stride has varied at times. Short steps here. Long steps there. But I feel like now as I go to take the next step with my weight shifting to plant my foot on the next stone, I suddenly notice that there is nothing there and I struggle to re-orient my weight so I don’t fall. Where’s the stone?! Wasn’t it there? Have I been lulled into a routine that in the habit of it I missed something? Did I somehow go the wrong way although there never seemed to be a choice in each step?
No more stones means staying where I am until the next one surfaces, right? I’ve been here before, but I just didn’t see this coming. (Or because this is only day 98, I need to stop being so impatient and let this be okay. Certainly been impatient before, wanting information prior to God feeling the need to reveal it.)
I feel like I’ve come back from a mission trip and need the chance to de-brief, a slow incremental de-brief to understand where I’ve been, how the journey has impacted me, how it has influenced my future, and a chance to re-orient myself to the shift in terrain.
Lord, guide me as I am here with You in this place, in this time.
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