Longing: To have an earnest, heartfelt desire, especially for something beyond reach.
The intensity of desire to give myself freely to this work is at least as strong as before my 100-day experience. This is not something I can let go of because it has me rather than me having it. I am compelled onward to engage this work though I do not seem to be able to find the time to get the rest of life done.
Yet, I sensed a growing fear today that choices of the remote and near past will keep me from ever living this work, this calling, this ministry except as a part-time effort. Feeling desperate to make this happen, to be free to give myself full-time to the work, my lack of trust surfaced.
A call to be here in this time, to be quieted by Your presence, to hear Your voice that has not ceased to whisper in my ear Your truths since the conclusion of the 100-days.
"Deb, you need to settle back into Me, rest into Me. I've got this handled. Do what I have for you in this moment, in this day. Engage the incremental steps, use the time I provide, the bits and pieces as they happen. Do the routine, the mundane, the common things that need to be done to prepare for the next steps, I have for you."
It all has its place, its purpose, its need in the bigger, larger and influencing work that God is doing. Even cleaning and bringing order to my surroundings has a place in His ongoing work. And so, I will trust Him as I give myself to this "lesser" work while He continues to hold the "larger."
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