I spent all day anticipating my time this evening. As the time approached, and I concluded the various responsibilities (work from 6:45 - 5:45) and necessities (preparing supper, eating, cleaning up, essential emails), my excitement grew. The energy of this evening was heightened because I knew that tomorrow morning will also be spent engaged in this exercise.
Moving into my time this evening, I had my typical early project experience of feeling overwhelmed in the magnitude of the work to be done. I always feel in these times that it's like chewing coconut or taro root. Although I've taken what seems to be a reasonabe (even small) bite, as I chew, it grows to such an extent that I feel like I'm going to choke before I get it down. The reading for interviewing and data collection felt like this. It felt even worse as I pondered the fact that I am just in the initial part of the program development phase of our work.
Thankfully, I've learned to notice when I begin to feel this way (racing thoughts, heart rate increasing, sitting on the edge of my chair, breaths quickening), and I've learned to recognize the source. I have lifted a load that is not mine. This is not my work, this is yours, Lord. With the purposeful deep breaths of Centering Prayer -- rest, rest, trust -- my soul settles. Pausing to quiet my soul in you brings me back to the enjoyment of the moment and releasing of the future.
Then it gets even better when I learn the opportunity for my first "official" interview is scheduled for my research project. Lot's to be done in the next three days, but for now, I'm enjoying reflecting on the time and the feeling of a good tired inviting me to a night of peaceful sleep.
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