holy compulsion

Have you ever felt compelled to do something? I find I can be compulsive at times and typically I regret the decision to act on such feelings. But do you think there is such a thing as “holy” compulsion?

Lately I have sensed a growing “have to” deep inside of me. It feels like the water of a geyser slowly rising, spreading into the cracks and crevices of the intervening rocks, pressing and growing and forcing its way to the surface. It feels like a mounting force that will not be held within this small confining space, but instead must be free!

This vision, this burden is ever growing, ever expanding, ever seeking expression outside of this confining space of my heart and mind. I can’t hold it back, and I don’t want to. I feel like I can’t keep back the expression of all that has been planted and formed in me. I wonder if this is what a seed feels like just before it bursts through the husk or what a new plant experiences just before its first leaves push up into the full light of day?

How do I hold back? How do I wait? All I want is to give myself fully to this calling, and everything I read and see cries out, “Do it! Go! Hold nothing back!”

O, God, how did Nehemiah do it?! How did he see the vision of the wall of Jerusalem being re-built and wait in the service of the King until he was released? How did he stay put until the way of provision was made ready?

O, my Jesus, how do I?